Legacy

Joe Biden dedicated a national park in Springfield, Illinois, the site of one of our lesser-known race riots where several people died and a Black neighborhood was destroyed in 1908.  Springfield also happens to be the place where Sonya Massey was shot and killed by police six weeks ago, inside her house after she called 911 about a prowler.  The officer who shot her has been charged with first-degree murder but the case has not attracted much national attention during this election-obsessed season.  Until Friday, when the president said her name during his speech.  According to the New York Times he was there to "burnish his legacy," a sour, smug way to describe a valuable history lesson.  The Times still hates him.  Maybe it was a Times reporter who shouted, "Do you have any regrets?" on the White House lawn.  Biden replied, "Talking to you guys."

Tomorrow night Biden will address the Democratic Convention in Chicago, and there are bound to be some tears at the old man's farewell.  Not at 620 Eighth Avenue, however, for Maureen Dowd has written her review before the curtain goes up:  "The Dems are delighted.  But a coup is still a coup."  This is exactly what Trump has called Biden's withdrawal, adding nonsensically that it is "UNCONSTITUTIONAL" because he still hasn't found a way to arrest Kamala Harris's surging polls.  Dowd dodders on, "We head to Chicago on a wave of euphoria, exultation, excitement, and even, you might say, ecstasy.  It's going to be a glorious coronation -- except that everyone's mad at one another."  Also like Trump, Dowd has an uncanny ability to read minds:  Biden's angry, Bernie is resentful, Shapiro is humiliated, Obama feels eclipsed, everybody hates Nancy and it's a "jaw-dropping putsch."  Really?  From her terribly clever "Julius Caesar in Rehoboth Beach" reference I thought it was an actual assassination.  (A little farther on she has Biden "sulking in his tent."  Caesar, Achilles, the benefits of a liberal education.) If you think Dowd is pissy now, wait till November.

Meanwhile the opposition continues to roam the country dropping clanger after clanger.  Before a tiny group of supporters in Wilkes-Barre -- if the White Sox played indoors on weekdays it would look like this -- Trump descanted on his new obsession, the Time magazine cover.  "They have this unbelievable artist drawing her.  And I said 'Is that Sophia Loren?  Is that Elizabeth Taylor?'...So beautiful.  It's a drawing.  They took a lot of pictures that didn't work out so they hired a sketch artist.  I said I'm sure -- they must be celebrating the great life and times of the magnificently beautiful Sophia Loren.  And you're not allowed to say this anymore."  [something here about a Reagan speechwriter] "She said Kamala has one big advantage.  She's a beautiful woman.  I'm not saying he's -- but I say that I am much better looking than her.  I'm a better-looking person than Kamala."  

All right, Uncle Don, let's get you cleaned up and changed before dinner.  There's cherry pie tonight!

It's too bad more people couldn't get there because he was in rare form.  "I don't ramble.  I'm a really smart guy.  You know, really smart.  I don't ramble.  But the other day, anytime I hit too hard, they say he was rambling, rambling.  I get up and make a speech.  I go for sometimes two hours, two and a half hours, people are waiting outside for three days, four days...they have a tent and the tent is set up.  And then I walk in, speak for fifteen minutes and leave.  Would that be OK, North Carolina?"  If Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house, Trump can see North Carolina from Wilkes-Barre.

People who came for economic issues were not disappointed, however, because Trump explained the one hundred percent tariff he proposes for all imports.  He was wrong, but he explained it:  "A tariff is a tax on a foreign country.  That's the way it is whether you like it or not.  A lot of people say 'It's a tax on us.'  Not it's not, no no, it's a tax on a foreign country."  The Wharton School would like its diploma back.  And of course, there's yet another nickname:  Comrade Kamala.  She's a communist.  She's a fascist.  She's a communist and a fascist and a dessert topping.  "She wants to institute socialist price controls.  You saw that never worked before."  Except during World War II when there was an Office of Price Administration to prevent price gouging, hoarding and rent increases.  You know, inflation.  

He must have been intermittently aware of being in Pennsylvania because he fake-commiserated with Governor Shapiro ("They turned him down because he's Jewish").  So of course "any Jewish person that votes for her or a Democrat has to go out and have their head examined."  If I ran for public office by displaying my ignorance of tariffs and drooling over Sophia Loren, I would not bring up the subject of head examinations.

By the way, Antony Blinken arrived in Tel Aviv today to put the final touches on an Israel-Hamas cease-fire.  If Biden can announce this in Chicago it should deflate the protesters and add to his legacy at the same time.  Best of all, on Eighth Avenue heads will explode.