King of the world

I would not have believed it without the requisite two sources, but when the Trump campaign stumbled into Montana, someone thought it was a good idea to play the theme from Titanic.  They have managed to break everyone's irony-ometer and piss off Celine Dion, who "does not endorse this or any similar use."  This was after Air Farce One broke down and the orange hobgoblin had to change planes.  But he finally arrived and offered a reasoned critique of Senator Jon Tester ("the biggest stomach I've ever seen").  He brought along Ronny Johnson/Jackson, who's still butthurt because Tester wrecked his chance to become Secretary of Veterans Affairs.  Revenge was the theme as a week of failure continued.

Maybe he is king of the world.  Here you can hear him campaign and play golf at the same time.  After soliciting praise for his debate performance and calling Biden "an old broken down pile of crap" and Harris "a pathetic fucking bitch," he proclaims the president of China "a fierce person."  Look closely and you'll actually seem him hand cash to someone.  I was so shocked I had to play it twice.

The campaign against Teflon Tim continues to get funnier.  Fox Business dug up someone named Charles Payne who brought two reasons Walz is a communist:  He owns no stock, proving that he does not believe in capitalism, and he set up a "snitch line" for people to call during covid if they saw someone without a mask.  "That's what they do in China and that's where he had his honeymoon."  I think they do a lot more in China to people who break the law.

During yesterday's free-association "press conference" Trump displayed his fading cognitive abilities by drifting off into a story about being on a helicopter in 2018 that had to make an emergency landing.  I think the point was that he is well acquainted with the former San Francico mayor Willie Brown, who was also a passenger.  He hinted at some salacious details Brown gave him about Kamala Harris.  The New York Times researched this and reported that Trump and then-Governor Jerry Brown were inspecting wildfire damage (was that the trip where he referred to the devastated town of Paradise as "Pleasure"?).  Willie Brown was not present but Gavin Newsom was and he calls Trump's version "bullshit," as there was no forced landing.  The other passenger was Nate Holden of the Los Angeles city council:  "I guess we all look alike."  Barbara Res, a former Trump Organization executive, says he's talking about a completely different chopper ride in New York, during which Trump shat himself with panic.  So now the stable jenius is raging about the "failing New York Times" and -- what else? -- threatening to sue.  You'd think someone whose poll numbers are crashing would have more useful things to do, like think of a mean nickname for Gwen Walz.

When not sundowning, Trump likes to share Ministry of Truth Social posts like this one from Patriot4Life:

The woodchipper is a nice Fargo touch.  But tell me again why "the left" is responsible for the violence that inspired the failed assassination attempt.

It looks like the Mark Robinson campaign is law-threatening his opponent Josh Stein for an ad about the awful day-care Robinson ran for two years.  ("Precious Beginnings," please don't hurl.)  They're not denying the facts, they're just mad.

Joe Rogan has come crawling back to Trump and all it took was one tweet threatening to have him "BOOED the next time he enters the UFC ring."  So Rogan fights ultimately, too?  Renaissance man.

Joe Biden appeared to nap on the beach near his house in Delaware and MAGA lost forty percent of its mind.  "Who is running the country?" demanded "RNC Research."  Same guy who runs it at night when Joe's asleep.  His name is Frank, I think, or maybe Hank.  Call the White House switchboard.

For the first time since the silly sport was invented, the US women's water polo team failed to win a medal.  This country is finished.  I'm calling Frank.