Hosanna in excretis

 Trump would never compare himself to Christ -- that would be blasphemy, a word I'd love to hear him pronounce -- but he's happy to agree when one of his disciples notices the startling resemblance:  "It's ironic that Christ walked through his greatest persecution the very week they are trying to steal your property from you."  Calling it "beautiful," he shared it with the rest of his followers and there was much rejoicing, for the appellate court reduced the bond he must post in the fraud case to $175 million and gave the fraudulent billionaire another ten days to come up with it.  He is risen!  

It's possible the judges listened to Eric Trump whining to Fox that no one in all history has ever had to post a bond so enormous.  Foxter Eric Shawn then displayed a graphic of several companies which posted bonds much larger.  Shut up, Eric, and go help you wife look for stuff the RNC can sell so Daddy doesn't lose his pretty buildings.

In another Easter miracle, Trump won a golf tournament!  And another!  At the Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, where he wins every year!


To make sure more than a few fanatics would get the news he eschewed Ministry of Truth Social and praised himself at length on Xwitter.  And lo, there was much rejoicing, even from a certain Joe Biden, who wrote, "Congratulations, Donald.  Quite the accomplishment."  At last, a president who does irony.

He may have to wait for a muffin basket from the boss in Moscow, who is a bit preoccupied with the terrorist attack in his own capital.  Not the hundreds of dead and wounded, human life has always been cheap in Russia, but how to spin an atrocity he did nothing to prevent.  Putin grudgingly admits that an auxiliary of Islamic State did the killing, after they posted video of the gunmen in the act, but he is still obsessed with tying it somehow to Ukraine.  Ukraine's attacks inside Russia have always been strategic -- naval ships, military installations, most recently an oil refinery in Samara.  An assault like the one at Crocus City Hall would cause foreign support to dry up overnight and they know it.  

As predicted here, the interrogations have begun.  Even the accused in Stalin's show trials were not paraded before the cameras until the bruises healed.  Putin's dictatorship leaves nothing to the imagination.  Read at your own risk.

James Carville has always had a bit of a woman problem -- when women were coming forward to testify to Governor Bill Clinton's out-of-control libido it was Carville who sneered, "Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park and who knows what you'll come up with."  Now in his position as self-appointed Democratic elder he says there are "too many preachy females" in the party and they're making "Biden [bleed] Black male voters."  Carville says he gets his news about "Democratic elites" from NPR, which could be part of the problem, and all he hears is "Don't drink beer.  Don't watch football.  Don't eat hamburgers," and it's turning men MAGA.  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a suggestion:  "Maybe he should start a podcast about it.  I hear men are really underrepresented in that space."  Or just shut up.

The newest assault on the First Amendment comes, unsurprisingly, from Texas, where legislators want to put chaplains (Christian ones, of course) in public schools.  Sure, why should pedophile clergy only have access to children in religious schools?  And who could possibly object to indoctrinating kids with "a biblical world view" of history, science and math?  When the next shooting occurs, at least there will be someone on campus to give last rites.  

The zombie impeachment effort will not go down.  Now they're threatening to charge Merrick Garland with contempt unless he turns over the audio from Robert Hur's interview with Joe Biden.  They already have the transcript, of course, but reading is hard.  






  




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