The locked room mystery

 ABC News reports that there may be more national secrets hidden in Trump's Palm Beach lair.  Jack Smith's team is questioning witnesses about a closet which was not searched during the original investigation because it was locked -- apparently Trump ordered the lock changed while FBI agents were busy in the cellar.  In addition there is talk of a "hidden room" accessible from Trump's bedroom which they did not know about.  Could this explain why Judge Tanya Chutkan postponed the trial scheduled to start on March 4?  (Trump won't be bored -- the Stormy Daniels hush-money case can proceed instead.  He's got a calendar of trials a murderer-for-hire would envy.)

The Biden economy continues to amaze, with 353,000 jobs added in January and the Dow Jones setting new records -- so of course, Trump wants credit.  All the fantastic things he accomplished four years ago, like tariffs on China (he still doesn't know how tariffs work), are finally bearing fruit, like higher wages and lower inflation.  But the economy should still collapse, ruining millions of lives, because that will make Biden look like Herbert Hoover.  What a patriot.


On Wednesday there was an incident in New York involving a reportedly undocumented immigrant, released without bail after an altercation with a police officer.  Mike Collins (R-GA) decided it was time to be known for something besides shaking Margie Greene by the shoulders, so he Xweeted:  "We could buy him a ticket on Pinochet Air for a free helicopter ride back."  Back where was not specified.  So now Mike is known as one of MAGA's leading wits.  (During the Pinochet dictatorship, Chilean security services used to torture and drug opponents and then fly over the Pacific and throw them from helicopters.  See?  It's funny!)  The Babylon Bee wants to give you a weekly column, Mike.

Nikki Haley is still running for president, and will keep running until her batteries wear out.  But is she a "rock star" and "great leader" or is she "China's favorite governor"?  Nancy Mace can't make up her mind -- probably too much early morning canoodling.  "If she had her way, South Carolina would be manufacturing spy balloons right here in our state," she went on, which is the most Mace has done to bring jobs to the Low Country.  (The Down Low Country, am I right, Senators?)  Ladies, ladies, please keep this up.  

They do this election thing more efficiently in Russia.  Anti-war candidate Boris Nadezhdin turned in his qualifying petition on Wednesday and it has already been rejected because "dead souls" were discovered among the 100,000 signatories, perhaps the fastest petition review in history.  Lucky Boris -- he now has a much smaller chance of falling out a window into a labor camp.  But I enjoyed the Gogol reference.


Elon Musk's Neuralink company says it has implanted its first computer chip into a human brain.  I don't know, it may need some fine-tuning.




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