Kickin' it gangsta

 

Plenty of good seats available at CPAC.  Are MAGAts suffering from Charlie Kirk fatigue?  

I'm sure the pace will pick up when President-for-Life Trump arrives.  Right now he's in South Carolina trying to stretch his thirty-point lead over Nikki Haley to forty points.  He's making a serious pitch to Black voters that must be heard to be believed.  Earlier this week someone called Raymond Arroyo on Fox News excitedly reported that Trump's line of hideous high-tops is making serious inroads into Biden support because "they love sneakers, they're into sneakers, certainly in the inner city."  Trump picked up the cue before the Black Conservative Federation:  "I got indicted for nothing, for something that is nothing.  And a lot of people said that's why the Black people like me, because they've been hurt so badly and discriminated against.  And they actually viewed me as being discriminated against."

I hope Alina Habba was paying attention because her client just suggested grounds for appeal -- violation of his civil rights.  Not like when the Trump Organization refused to rent to Black and Latino people, different ones, presidential ones.  Not like when he complained of voter fraud in heavily Black areas like Detroit or Chicago or Fulton County, Georgia, where he set his hounds on two innocent women.  The other kind of discrimination, where you're accused of stashing classified documents in your bathroom and trying to strongarm the Georgia secretary of state.  We've all been there, right, my brothers?  Fight the power!

Earlier in the day, before a white crowd in Rock Hill, he invoked a different kind of weaponized justice:  "I've been indicted more than Alphonse Capone...they indicted me on bullshit.  It's all bullshit."  The implication being that Capone, credibly accused of murder, prostitution, kidnapping, extortion and multiple violations of the Volstead Act, was...persecuted by Herbert Hoover's Justice Department, I guess.  I'll know more if Trump addresses an audience of Mexican-Americans and compares himself to El Chapo.  (Is it significant that Trump, who confuses Nikki Haley with Nancy Pelosi, has no trouble remembering Capone's full name?)

While CPAC awaits the main event it was entertained by the comedy stylings of Tulsi Gabbard.  Once a representative from Hawaii with the requisite (D) after her name, she has repositioned herself as a Trumper and even adopted the semi-literate practice of using "Democrat" as an adjective (as in "Democrat elite leaders").  Mostly she's an advocate for some of the planet's most vicious dictators.  She rehearsed by defending Bashar al-Assad before moving on to Vladimir Putin, yet accuses Democrats of having "the mentality of dictators."  Welcome to Bizarro World.  

Is Gabbard among the contestants in the Trump Running Mate Pageant tonight?  Ticketholders will be asked to choose among seventeen eager candidates in a "straw poll" which Trump is free to ignore but will at least put asses in some of those seats.  Possibilities include Miss Flamethrower Kristi Noem ("Joe Biden and Kamala Harris suck!"), Elise Stefanik ("Harvard is antisemitic"), Kari Lake ("I am too the governor of Arizona!"), Vivek Ramaswamy ("Jefferson invented the polygraph test"), J.D. Vance ("Ukraine?  U Cares?"), Tim Scott ("I love some Trump") and Tucker Carlson ("Golly, Russia has fresh bread!").  Should be a nail-biter.

Trump needs all the help he can get.  Yesterday in Columbia he was heard asking the hand-picked audience, "Would you rather have the Black president or the white one?"  Still thinks he's running against Obama.  Sad!  And not at all racist.  Look at these sneakers!

And even more weirdly:  "These lights are so bright in my eyes I can't see people...I can only see the Black ones.  I can't see any white ones.  That's how far I've come.  That's a long way, isn't it?"  Keep talking.  You know we can hear you?

Back in 2019 Trump tried to put alleged economist Stephen Moore on the board of the Federal Reserve, but Moore had to withdraw when his trash-talk about women became public.  He's still on Team Orange, though, and he has identified another enemy to be purged on Day One:  "The AARP is one of the most evil organizations in America.  They have got to go."  Yes, the folks who advocate for those lazy Social Security and Medicare recipients.  Mitt Romney's "takers."  (We don't forget, Mitt.)   

Speaking of evil organizations, Letitia James racked up another victory yesterday as the NRA and its top officials were found guilty of financial improprieties.  Wayne LaPierre must repay it $4.4 million for the high living he charged up, and former CFO Wilson Phillips owes $2 million.  The jury also found the organization guilty of violating the law regarding whistleblowers.

So the attorney general (of New York, alas, not the United States) was not to be trifled with when Trump's lawyers tried to pull a fast one, changing the addresses of various businesses from New York to Florida.  If he can't or won't pay up, she'll move to have Trump Tower changed to the Fuck Around and Find Out Building, no matter what the bogus paperwork says.  Taking Trump's name off properties seems to raise the asking price for condos, so buy now if you want.  Do your own measurements, too.

Locker room talk everywhere:  Volodymyr Zelenskyy described the Carlson-Putin show as "two hours of bullshit."  Biden called Trump a "sick..." and let his audience fill in the rest.  I often think of George Carlin's extended monologue on the Seven Words, and how "fuck" used to be held back for the end of the argument:  "Fuck you and everybody who looks like you!"  Now it's where we start.  That's how bad it is.  Fortunately we have the Scots, who created a rich abstract of abuse back in 2016, calling Trump

polyester cockwomble

hamster heedit bampot

incompressible jizztrumpet

leather-face shittobogganist

Cheeto-faced ferret-wearing shitgibbon

ludicrous tangerine ballbag

Remember, that was before he was "elected."