An ordinary Wednesday

Congratulations to Nikki Haley, who won four delegates in yesterday's Michigan primary.  Smells like Nik-tory!  Trump got twelve and the remaining 39 will be awarded at the state convention Saturday because the Michigan GOP does not care what its members think.  With an overdraft of $600,000 and a judge having to rule on who gets to be chair, they're a little preoccupied.

Still district-shopping as she struggles to remain in Congress, Lauren Boebert Xweeted, "The Biden Crime Family will go down as the most corrupt political family in American history."  ("Biden Crime Family" is a Republican meme implying that Don Joseph is both mentally impaired and a criminal mastermind.)  Hours later her son Tyler Jay Boebert was arrested on 22 charges including criminal possession of ID documents and conspiracy to commit a felony.  His father Jayson Boebert was arrested last month for criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and obstruction.  To be continued, I suspect.

Mitch McConnell doesn't want to lead the Senate Republicans anymore, but he wants to be part of the majority.  For this reason, says "a colleague," he will "look past a load of shit" and endorse Trump.  The anonymous colleague calls this "[rising] above principle."  I call it classic amorality.  But Republicans are accustomed to swallowing Trump's verbal assaults on their wives and other family members, so why hold McConnell to a higher standard of integrity than Ted Cruz?

 

Tucker Carlson's home and he's more paranoid than ever.  He claims that his very expensive and serious lawyers told him he would be arrested on "sanctions violations" if he only asked Putin the kind of nerfball questions he asks Trump.  That's why he remembered to bring up Evan Gershkovich, the Wall Street Journal reporter taken hostage in Russia last March.  For the record, the Biden administration has never arrested a journalist for any reason, not even a fake one like Carlson.  But there's always a first time, right?  Carlson then launched into an attack on the behavior of George W. Bush on 9/11, for reasons that are unclear.  

Judge Arthur Engoron's office at Manhattan Supreme Court received an envelope containing white powder this morning, later determined to be harmless.  Junior Trump claimed to have received a similar substance earlier this week.  The Alabama attorney general Steve Marshall announced last week that he would not prosecute anyone in connection with the state supreme court's IVF ruling, and a bomb was detonated near his office on Saturday.  Trump's lawyers "accidentally" included the phone numbers of Fani Willis and Nathan Wade in a court filing, leading to a torrent of harassing calls and forcing both to change their numbers.  This is where we are now.

What's the digital equivalent of "stop the presses"?  Joe Biden has been observed using note cards when talking to donors, unlike previous presidents who spent days memorizing the name of every contributor and how much they gave, with personal touches like the names of their children and pets.  This is clearly why the 25th Amendment was created.  

According to what Flaubert called Received Ideas (Bierce's Devil's Dictionary with more panache) Kamala Harris is box office poison, bad karma, as popular as root canal.  So why is her brief robocall being credited with turning out voters in Michigan?  That's a tough one.

Will Conegate sink the Biden campaign?  Is it "super weird" for him to go get ice cream by himself?  (Ignore Seth Meyers standing three feet away.)  And stand in line like a person?  Isn't he afraid in a city terrorized by "crime and migrants"? asks Tuberville, opening the door for Mark Jacob to school him on the contrasting homicide rates of NYC and Alabama.  "If you are in fact conducting important business, ask for a bowl and a spoon," sniffs Mr. Manners Stephen Miller.  (Chatting with a talk-show host being important business.)  

This is how it's done.

According to the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, the Y chromosome is degenerating.  Two kinds of rodent have already lost theirs!  So will humans, in a few million years.  Don't tell Tucker.